January 30: Officially become a morning person today!
February 8: Clean out that box in the closet that just contains random cords with unknown uses and has somehow clung on for four different apartment moves with me.
February 15: Learn Spanish today!
February 21: Take part in a dream-accomplishing montage that’s accompanied by an upbeat song and is under two minutes.
March 6: Finally do those three necessary but not crucial or urgent things that have been on my to-do list for eleven weeks.
March 30: Learn the ukulele and all other instruments.
April 12: Have that day where I actually accomplish every single thing I decided the night before that I was going to accomplish.
April 23: Discover a stylish pea coat that actually works how a coat should (re: is warm).
May 17: Change your diet today so that it’s healthier and then stick to it for every day of the rest of your life!!!
May 29: Figure out how Beyoncé released the album ‘Beyoncé’ without the news ever leaking ahead of time.
June 14: Start a new series instead of restarting The Office again.
July 26: Have a dining table that only holds a gorgeous centerpiece and contains no miscellaneous mail, pens, bags, sweaters, notes, paper clips, phone chargers, tiny little black doodads that look like they’re important for a device or something, books, or empty cans of La Croix.
August 2: Curate an apartment aesthetic that matches everything you’ve ever saved on Pinterest and spend a total of fourteen dollars.
August 30: Watch a funny YouTube video and then do not watch twelve more.
September 15: Beat hangovers forever.
September 27: Be on Ellen’s talk show for a great reason.
October 5: Actually remember to soak up this month today because it’s your favorite month and you’re still at the very beginning!
October 18: Write, edit, and fully complete a screenplay.
November 1: Sell that screenplay in under 15 days wow amazing.
November 30: Invent a new and simplified way to put a comforter back inside a duvet.
December 26: Stop immediately being depressed that Christmas is over.
December 27: Make your New Year Goals and Resolutions List TODAY instead of waiting until like January 14th.