I’ve changed, mainly because of you.
I’ve grown so much. The years have changed me. Life was hard after you walked away but it gave me everything I needed to follow my dreams. To live a life I’m proud of. To forget about love and forget about you.
I’m not going to believe everything you say anymore because I’ve heard it all before. I’m not going to stay all night waiting for you because now I have bigger things to worry about in the morning. Now I’m more focused on myself.
I’m not going to wonder all day and all night if you love me, I’m not going to think it must be me. I’ve learned how to love myself more than I love you.
The problem is, you changed me but it’s exactly what I needed to become a better person, to become a stronger person and a wiser person. A person who doesn’t believe your sweet little lies. A person who forgives but never forgets. A woman who chooses herself.
I’d be lying if I said you were not on my mind. I’d be lying if I said I found the same connection with someone else, I’d be lying if I said I’m completely over you but you’re no longer the only one in my life. I can live without you. I’d be fine with or without you in my life.
I’m not the girl I used to be when we first met, I’m not the girl who loved you more than she loved herself.
But the truth is, I like who I am more now, I like who I’m becoming, I like how you and I are now both equal.
I like how I don’t think you’re better than me anymore or that I’m lucky because you’re talking to me.
I like how I’m going to love you for your actions, not your words.
I like how I won’t put you on a pedestal or fall for your potential.
I like how you can now see who I really am, not the one I pretended to be to impress you.
I like how I don’t try too hard to make people stay anymore. I like how goodbyes don’t scare me anymore.
I like how other women don’t intimidate me. I like how I have faith that if you’re meant to be mine, your heart won’t beat for anyone else. I like how confident I’m becoming. I like how you don’t own my heart anymore.
The truth is, I’m not the girl I used to be when we first met, so don’t expect that girl again and I hope you’re not the boy you were when we first met either.
So before you come back, I want you to know that I’ve changed. Things are different now. Don’t expect the same girl who would do anything for you — but I still love with all my heart. I still give too much. I just won’t give it all away too soon. I just won’t be ten steps ahead of you. I just won’t try too hard. I’ll be me. I’ll be here and I’ll be happy, whether you decide to stay or leave again.
Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.