I am very stable. I am really trying my best to stay grounded.
It’s been a tough year, and one of the worst things I could do is put a ton of pressure on myself to have some, like, magical New Year’s Eve. Do those even happen outside of the movies? One night can’t fix everything! That would be crazy. I know that. I am not going to do this. Not again.
I’m just going to treat it like a regular night. Nothing wild going on here, it’s just a regular evening. The start of a whole new year is really just symbolism and nothing else. I am not going to read into this. I am not going to buy a dress for it. That’s taking it too far — that would imply that I cared. And I don’t!
Ok, breathe, this is going to be fine.
Look at my self-awareness, I can say this without blinking: I set up expectations that are way too high for me to reasonably achieve. I do it with birthdays, national holidays, weddings, family gatherings, really any gathering of more than two people, dates, dinners, new seasons, life after getting a haircut, and anytime I buy a new turtleneck. It’s a lot BUT I KNOW THAT.
I’m not going to do it for this New Year’s Eve. I’m playing it really cool.
But do you think if I did buy a dress that I’d have a better time? Shut up, just listen to this logic: Everyone always feels better and more confident when they’re wearing something they love and feel good in, right? I don’t have anything like that! So I might just buy a dress. But that’s it — only for the extra boost in confidence, nothing else. I am not thinking about meeting the love of my life on New Year’s Eve.
But do you think I should go out? Buy tickets to an open bar? Go on Tinder and find a last minute date? Seriously, what if I fall in love?
NO. HOLY SHIT, NO. Not again. No dress. No love.
Okay, but what if I’m wearing this beautiful new dress and I have a drink in my hand and I’m happy (?) and this very emotionally available and conventionally handsome man spies me across the room and runs to me as the clock counts down to midnight? This could be my year. 2018 is my year!!!!!
I could technically be squashing the potential for greatness by not at least trying. I’ll just buy a dress. And some drinks. But nothing else! I won’t let New Year’s Eve get the best of me. It’s the most overhyped holiday and I just fucking do this every year.