I Find Comfort In Distance But I Don’t Know If I Like It



Matthew Kane

I find comfort in having no expectations
because it saves me from disappointment.
I find comfort in knowing that I am in control
and I don’t have anyone sailing my boat.

I find comfort in knowing that no one could hurt me.
No one has that effect on me.
No one moves my heart the way it did
when it got broken.

I find comfort in being alone
even when it’s hard
but it’s easier than being with someone
who makes me feel alone.

I find comfort in having meaningless crushes
and flings that will never lead to anything
because it’s easier than getting attached
and then I have something to lose.

I find comfort in knowing that I have nothing to lose,
no one I can’t live without,
no one who can make or break my day.
It’s all on me.

I find comfort in being away from it all;
the heartbreak, the drama, and the tears.
I find comfort in looking at it from a distance
remembering why I chose not to get too close.

I find comfort in waking up every day
without waiting for a call or a text,
without having to wonder how someone feels,
without missing anyone.

But some nights, I miss having that one person
who I can talk to when my world falls apart,
who I can lean on when I’m feeling blue,
who makes me smile when I’m tired.

Some nights, I don’t like it
how comforting distance is,
how stoic I’ve been,
how numb.

And it makes me wonder,
if the comfort of being distant
is nothing but an illusion I’ve created
because getting close always breaks my heart. TC mark

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.

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