She stopped calling because she got tired of your games. She doesn’t want to play these games anymore. She outgrew trying to fight for a role in your movie. She doesn’t want to compete with anyone. She wants something real. She wants something solid and she wants something she can invest in.
She stopped calling because you wanted a challenge. You didn’t like her honesty, you didn’t like how she responded to your messages on time, how she told you the truth every time you asked her about something, how she told you how she felt as soon as she felt it. You didn’t like how she didn’t leave you confused or wondering about how she really feels.
She stopped calling because she felt that you stopped caring. You stopped asking about her day and you stopped asking her questions about herself and her life. You stopped making plans and asking her to meet up. You kept saying you’re busy. You kept saying you have a lot going on. You kept making excuses that eventually pushed her away.
She stopped calling because she realized that if she doesn’t call, you won’t. No matter what happens to her, no matter how much she needs you, no matter how many people tell you that you should be there for her. You’re just stubborn. You’re just selfish. You don’t want to lose her but you don’t want to win her either.
But you don’t know that you already lost her. You don’t know that she’s already gone. You don’t know that she learned not to wait for men who don’t want to stay, men who don’t follow through, men who don’t appreciate her for who she really is.
She stopped calling because there’s no point in calling. There’s no point in being with someone who just wants to waste her time and play games with her for attention. She doesn’t get it. How can anyone be into these games? How can anyone be into something so transient, something so unreal and something so temporary? How?
She stopped calling because someone once told her to only invest in those who invest in her. Someone once told her to guard her heart until someone proves that he can meet her standards, and if someone can’t commit to something so simple such as calling, then there’s not much chance of him committing to anything else.
Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.