I am not a gullible girl. You can tell me you miss me but I won’t believe it unless you make me believe it. I will pay attention to your actions and to your expressions and to your tone, not only your words. I will pay close attention to detail to make sure I am not getting screwed over.
If you flirt with me, I am going to be skeptical. I am going to have questions. I am going to wonder whether you are serious about courting me or whether you are only interested in sex.
I am not going to make any assumptions about your feelings because I do not want to lead myself toward heartbreak. I am going to stay cynical to protect myself.
Unless you look me in the eyes and tell me you want to date me, I am not going to think you have strong feelings for me. Even if you do say those exact words, I am still going to have my doubts. That is the way my mind works. I overthink. I analyze situations instead of taking them at face value. I am careful. I am logical.
If you want a real relationship with me, then you need to be ready for interrogations. I am not going to blindly believe your excuses. If you tell me the reason you took days to text me back is because your phone died and you forgot your charger, then I am going to keep my guard up. I do not believe cliches. I have heard them before.
I am not going to trust you before you give me a good reason to trust you. I am not going to have complete faith in you just because we have chemistry and have texted back and forth for a few weeks. I am going to wait and see if you put in effort before I let myself grow attached to you. I am going to make sure you are worth my time and energy.
I am not going to let myself slip into a sketchy situation where we are on separate pages. I am not going to get involved with someone who only wants an almost relationship or someone who claims they are not ready for a relationship right now. I am not going to put myself in a position to get hurt.
I am not a gullible girl — but I was that girl in the past. I was the girl who assumed mixed signals meant boys were interested. I was the girl who believed any lie, any excuse, without searching for plot holes. I was the girl who gave out second chances without thinking twice because I didn’t want to lose someone I cared deeply about.
I have been stabbed in the back a million times before and I am not going to let it happen again. I am going to keep my eyes open. I am going to be ready for the blow. I am going to make sure no one receives the code to my heart unless they go through the trouble of earning it.