I believed for so long that I needed closure with every one of my relationships that suffered a slow and painful death. Sometimes I felt like I got closure. The times that I didn’t, I found myself holding on long thereafter. With each relationship and experience, I was determined to learn something and grow from it. As I approach the second half of my twenties, and many experiences later, I can’t help but reconsider what exactly closure is. What qualifies as closure? What deems it necessary? What is the ultimate outcome of closure?
Closure doesn’t change anything that already happened. It doesn’t turn back time. It doesn’t fade the hurtful things away you said when you were most upset. It doesn’t shift blame to either side. It doesn’t act as a second chance at reconciliation, and that should never be the expectation.
So maybe you need closure, maybe you don’t. I think it depends on your idea of closure. Maybe you just want a conversation, so you can justify seeing this person again. You reminisce on how good this person once made you feel, and think, this person can heal whatever wounds you are currently tending to. So, my next question is, why do we tend to look to someone else for closure?
Maybe what we need to move on is simply ourselves while consciously being aware that something is over and letting it stay behind you.
Being able to move on or let go will start and end with you.
A recent heartbreak left me with this deep feeling of disgust. Initially, without thought, I let this feeling completely suffocate me. Things ended hostile, aggressive, and irrational. So, of course I looked for closure to move on. But then I realized, perhaps I needed to see the situation for what it was. I didn’t want things to be left so ugly, but the harsh reality is they were. There is no changing that. I felt disgusted and disappointed by this person. I felt he was being dishonest, cowardly, and incredibly selfish; More selfish than anyone I had ever encountered. These negative feelings were slowly sucking away all the energy I had, eating away at me.
So, do I really need closure? Maybe what I really need to do is see the situation for what it is and remove that negative energy from my life.
Some people are too toxic together and are better apart. You can forgive someone without seeing them in person or hashing out the past. You can forgive and truly move on for yourself. But you need to let go of the idea of a “closure conversation” being the band aid that will erase the past or supply a future with this person.
Why feel bad for yourself? You aren’t the one who lost something. That person lost someone that cared about them. You, my friend, lost nothing. You gained strength and knowledge to take with you in your next relationship, whenever that may be.
You are strong, you are fearless, and you will push through. You deserve it.