Everyone has a love language and discovering your love language can help you understand a lot about your partner and drastically help you improve your relationship. It will help you understand how to connect with your partner and better understand how each other needs to give and receive love. Here’s the gift your partner really wants and needs from you, based on their love language.
If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation the gift they really want from you is gratitude and appreciation in a specific way. Nothing will be a better gift and fill them up more than hearing from you how much they impact your life in a positive way. Your partner wants you to help ease their self-doubts and hear how much you believe in them. They want your endless encouragement and to lean on you for support when their motivation is lacking. At the end of the day, all your partner really wants is to feel supported by you and know they are understood.
Another big thing your partner really wants and needs if their love language is words of affirmation is for you to write them little notes or send text messages to them randomly letting them know you’re thinking of them. Admiration is a big part of words of affirmation and your partner wants to feel loved in sincere ways. When you build your partner up with concrete reasons why you love, respect, admire and appreciate them, they can’t help but feel loved. That’s all they really want and need from you.
Some examples of phrases to say to them are:
“I’m proud of you for _____”
“I believe in you because ____”
“I couldn’t have done ____ without you.”
If your partner’s love language is physical touch the gift they really want and need from you is purposeful, meaningful touch. When they get home from work give them a long hug, touch their hand as you listen to them tell you how their day went, rub their back when they’re laying on the couch and kiss them when they get up. They need intentional touch so give your partner exactly that.
Ask your partner their favorite way to be touched and do it often, it makes them feel extremely important and loved. Give them massages, kiss their forehead, let them lay on your chest, spoon on the couch, nuzzle noses, play with their hair, hold their arm when you’re walking, something to makes them feel deeply connected to you – that’s all they really want. They also sincerely want you to initiate the touch sometimes so they don’t always have to ask and feel needy.
If your partner’s love language is receiving gifts the gift they really want and need is to be shown how much they mean to you in a measurable way. It doesn’t mean they necessarily want big, fancy, expensive gifts, the gifts don’t even have to have any monetary value to them. Your partner just wants to be shown they matter to you and that you were thinking of them, even when they weren’t around. Pick up something small like a candy bar or a gag gift that made you think of them. Maybe listen to little details they let slip in normal conversation about how they love a certain flavor of Gatorade and if you see it in the store, pick it up and bring it to them. Or if they’re sick, make them a little care package to drop off with little things to make them feel better.
Receiving gifts also don’t all have to be things you buy. You could also make them something if you’re creative. Hand draw them something, write them a love poem, craft them an item they wanted to buy. It doesn’t always have to be something you purchase, just spending time with them and showing them you were thinking of them is what matters most.
If your partner’s love language is quality time the gift they really want and need from you is your undivided attention. When they are talking to you don’t look at your phone, watch TV or be multitasking. Instead, sit down, look them in the eyes and really listen while they talk. Don’t interrupt them when they are talking and really engage with what they’re saying. It’s important to them that you are listening because it reinforces your love for them.
Free up time and plan ahead to make sure you can give them your uninterrupted attention. You setting aside time for them with no distractions will mean the world to your partner. It will really prove to them how invested you are in the relationship and that’s what they really need from you.
If your partner’s love language is acts of service the gift they really want from you is acknowledgement and appreciation of the little things. If you partner spent all day in the yard weeding, tell them how much better it looks. If they come home with nails to hang a self, thank them. If they cook dinner so you didn’t have to do it because you had a long day at work, tell them how appreciative you are. People who show love in a service way like to know their hard work is being appreciated.
People often like to be loved in the same way they like to give love so every once in awhile do kind things for them that they would do for you, like starting their car in the cold, filling their gas tank, completing a task that’s been on their to-do list for forever, doing the dishes if they cooked, taking out the trash or tidying up the house. Show them love by doing little tasks that they will truly appreciate and always offer to help. Service people love to help out and love to have people help them out as well. So make sure as much as they do for you that you try to return the favor, even if your love language isn’t acts of service it can really help them feel loved by you.