When my mom asks me why I’m not married yet, I tell her that I still haven’t met the right guy. The man I can love unconditionally. The man I can be selfless with. The person I want to start a family with. The person who feels like home. I still haven’t met the one for me. I still haven’t met my person — the one I can picture a bright future with. My heart is still searching. My heart is still learning.
When my mom asks me why I’m not married yet, I tell her that marriage is not easy. Marriage is not something you take lightly. Marriage is not something you can just get into. Because I only want to do it once and I want to do it right. So no, I won’t take your advice and get married to the one who loves me more, the one who is going to be a good husband or a good father but doesn’t make my heart skip a beat. He doesn’t make me smile from ear to ear. He doesn’t make me write beautiful poetry and he’s not my muse. I’ll only get married to the one who makes me feel more alive than I’ve ever been.
When my mom asks me why I’m not married yet, I tell her that I’m still learning. I keep meeting people who teach me new lessons. They teach me how to grow. They teach me what I want. They teach me not to settle. They don’t win with me. I don’t believe their lies. I let them go. They teach me how to move on. They teach me how to thrive alone.
When my mom asks me why I’m not married yet, I tell her that I won’t get married just to have kids. I still don’t know if I’m ready to raise another human being when I still have so much to learn. I still don’t know if I can bring babies into this world when I’m still trying to figure out my own. I still don’t know if I can be a strong mother when I’m still learning how to get back up on my own two feet. Because I want my kids to have everything. I don’t want them to suffer. I want them to grow up loving their lives, believing in themselves and believing in real love because their parents embody all of that. I want to be my son’s best friend and my daughter’s role model and I still don’t know if I’m that person yet. Maybe I’m still growing up myself.
When my mom asks me why I’m not married yet, I tell her that God simply hasn’t written that for me yet. He’s still making me wait. He has other plans for me right now. He’s giving me other things to focus on and other things to love. He’s giving me another purpose for now. He’s writing other parts of my story. He doesn’t have a wedding planned for me in the coming chapters. He’s still preparing me for the day I meet my person. He’s still shaping me so I can be the best for him. So I can be everything he was looking for. So I can be his forever too. So we can look at our mothers one day and tell them this is why we waited — we were just waiting to find each other.
Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.