I think that sometimes, we tend to be a little hard on ourselves. We tend to be our own worst critics. We can point out and analyze our flaws faster than anyone else on the planet. It’s not hard to look at ourselves and notice all the things that might be wrong with us.
It’s even easier to do when you’re in a relationship with someone who manages to do it for you.
I know it never starts like this. I know that there was a time where this person adored you in every way you never could have imagined. They were dedicated and loving, kind and charming. It almost seemed as if they were willing to bend over backward if you were just willing to take a chance on them. They didn’t stop singing your praises and worshipping the ground you walked on. You honestly had never had someone make you feel as if you really were the most important thing in the universe. That kind of love can really do something to a person. And it really did something to you, didn’t it? So much so that you decided to take the heart you had so graciously protected, and place it into someone else’s hands, because they spent all this time telling you how they would care for it.
However, sometimes things begin to shift, whether or not we notice at first. You know at one time you were waking up to “good morning beautiful” text messages, and now you’re greeted with blank screens. You know at one time, this person would ask you come spend time with them, and now whenever you ask for their company, they act as if it’s no longer something they enjoy, but something they are forced to do. You know at one time, they couldn’t say “I love you” enough times in a day, and now whenever you say it, you’re met with silence or a half-hearted response.
You know that at some point, things started to go downhill, but when you bring it up, when you try to determine what changed and how to fix things, you’re met with a barrage of defensive responses that essentially point all the problems to you. “You’re too clingy.” “We don’t have to spend every second together.” “You’re too sensitive.” “You’re making this too much work.” And so you retreat back into your shell. You start to take in all the accusations and truly believe that this is all your fault. That you are putting too much pressure. That you are asking for too much. That you are a burden.
You sit by yourself and you spend your time ignoring all the flaws of this person you’re so in love with while fixating on your own obsessively. You tell yourself that this is just how things are—that they are wonderful, and that no matter what you do or how hard you try, you’re just a burden to anyone who might want to love you.
Yet honestly, you should know that when you’re with the right person, you won’t feel like a burden. In fact, you’ll feel quite the opposite.
There is something to be said for examining the places we fall short and striving to do better and to have a partner who will kindly help us become a better version of ourselves. However, if every single day, you are met with a constant stream of reasons why you are a problem, why you are a liability, why you are the entire reason that the relationship isn’t working, then you need to take a step back and realize that maybe you’re not with the right person.
The right person will recognize that you have flaws and imperfections, but will not fixate and blow them up larger than they truly are. They won’t constantly put you down in order to build themselves up. They won’t kick you while you’re down and remind you of all of the places you fall short.
The right person will have days where they are angry or hurt, and they may even say things they don’t mean that hurt you at the moment, but they will take a step back and apologize for it as well. They won’t look at every problem in your relationship and find a way to blame you for it. They won’t spend their time making excuses for the way they behave, but will acknowledge their own faults and try to be better, the same way that you are,
The right person won’t spend the beginning of your relationship trying to sweep you off your feet with grand gestures and heartfelt words, only to have those things disappear once they have won your heart. They won’t allow your moments of saying “I love you” to be met with silence or a half-hearted response. They won’t act as if spending time with you is an inconvenient obligation but will cherish the time you get to spend together. They won’t make you feel as if dating you is a chore, but something to be excited about.
Honestly, it doesn’t matter how much someone claims to love you. If they make you feel as if you are something they have to put up with rather than someone they want to spend their time, even their life, with then you haven’t found the right person yet. There are people out there that will not hesitate to put in the effort to be with you—they won’t view you as a burden but as a blessing. They won’t place the blame on you, but take your hand in theirs so you can work out a way to fix things.
So stop trying to hold on to the person who is making you feel like you are a burden they have to bear. In the end, if someone isn’t smart enough to look at you and realize how much love you have to give and how much you have to offer to the world, then they were never the right person for you, anyway.
And I think it’s time you go try and find them.